


My R

by electricmax_exe



Series: The Tribulates [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: (that's the name of my universe for my OCs), Bullying, Suicide, This isn't how he goes canonically in the universe he's from, Transgender, based on the song My R, but i loved the song too much, i wrote smthn for one of my OCs, it's depressinggggg, my poor bb, spoilers: he drowns in canon. not in the fic tho, the tribulates, trans boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-04
Packaged: 2019-10-03 21:54:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17292137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricmax_exe/pseuds/electricmax_exe
Summary: based on the english translation of the song My R by Rachie!





	My R

**Author's Note:**

> ik this is super bad but like. i don't really care. you can't get better without practice right? the song lyrics are bolded! and i changed one word in the final set of lyrics to fit the story better. also, i'm trans, so don't @ me abt my own experiences thx

**“Just as I was about to take my shoes off** ****  
**On the roof top there I see** ****  
**A girl with braided hair here before me** ****  
**Despite myself, I go and scream** **  
** **"Hey, don't do it please!"**

 

Salem Utkeitsiv was the type to hang out with his friends after school. Today however, he was alone, which might suck if he noticed at all. Instead he was focused on fixing what went wrong during his exam, which he had failed horribly, while sitting on the roof of a parking garage. Not for scary reasons, necessarily… more for the pretty view with bright sunlight and the way everything else looked much smaller and easier to ignore.

Salem was so focused on trying to comprehend the history exam questions that he didn’t notice the girl across the rooftop until he heard her soft voice carried to him by the wind.

“Okay. I can do this. It’s like jumping off a diving board into a pool. Yeah, a pool!”

_What the hell?_ Was she going to jump?

“Hey! Don’t do it!” He shouted when he saw her step up to the ledge. She had a round face and her black hair was in a tight braid held in place with a pretty black bow. She scampered back from the edge, looking almost ashamed of herself.

 

**Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?** ****  
**I couldn't care less either way** ****  
**To be honest, I was somewhat pissed** ****  
**This was an opportunity missed** ****  
**The girl with braided hair told me her woes** ****  
**You've probably heard it all before** ****  
**"I really thought that he might be the one** **  
** **But then he told me he was done"**

 

He’d surprised her, sure, but his hand flew up to his mouth as he wondered what caused him to shout those particular words. He didn’t know for sure she was going to do anything… like _that_ , after all. Salem stared at his unlaced shoes and history exam covered in red marks for a moment before relenting and hoisting himself up. He waved the girl over and despite seeming apprehensive she quickly walked toward his side of the roof.

“Uh… hi? Do I know you?” She asked. Her big doe eyes stared curiously at Salem. He shrugged and smiled.

“No, sorry. That was probably out of place. But, uh, if you need to talk about something… I can totally listen.”

And so she talked. Salem would’ve been concerned about a girl spilling her secrets so easily to a stranger, but she clearly hadn’t expected to live much longer anyway, so who was he to judge? She spoke about how she had a boyfriend for five years (She was still a child, how young had they been at the start?) and how out of the blue, he dumped her, telling her she disgusted him.

 

**For God's sake, please!** ****  
**Are you serious?** ****  
**I just can't believe** ****  
**That for some stupid reason, you got here before me** ****  
**Are you upset cause you can't have what you wanted?** **  
** **You're lucky that you've never gotten robbed of anything!**

 

Salem listened carefully and when she finished placed a heavy hand on her shoulder. She stared into his eyes through her own tears and he gave her a very serious look.

“Listen. That’s a dumb reason to kill yourself. I get that you loved him for so long, but he’s just a stupid boy. Have you met boys? We’re idiots! So what if you can’t have him? At least you still have the clothes on your back and the friends by your side. You’ll push through. It just takes time.”

 

**"I'm feeling better thank you for listening"** **  
** **The girl with braided hair then disappeared**

 

The girl rubbed at her eyes and sniffed, nodding. Salem knew it wasn’t the best way to help her, but he felt like she had to know that boys weren’t worth her life. Not that it was a very convincing argument to anyone determined enough…. Although, how could he possibly understand? But it worked well enough, because the girl with the pretty blonde braid hugged him tightly before running down to the floors below, presumably to go home. Salem put his head in his hands. How could he focus on a history exam after that?

 

**"Alright, today's the day!"** ****  
**Or so I thought** ****  
**Just as I took both of my shoes off** ****  
**There was but a girl short as can be** **  
** **Despite myself, I go and scream**

 

A month later, Salem Utkeitsiv is back atop the parking garage. The braided-hair girl had really freaked him out, if he was being honest. Someone so young with so much potential… willing to die? It gave him chills to think about it. But he wanted to study for a math exam *(Ugh, exams) and until that… episode… that rooftop had served him well. His shoes off and cast aside, Salem walked the edges of the roof like a tightrope as he frowned at his workbook. _What_ _did_ _any_ _of_ _this_ _even_ _mean?_ And then. He literally almost ran right into a tiny girl standing at the ledge.

“Again?” He muttered. She seemed startled and almost took a step forward in fear, but Salem sprang into action and grabbed her backpack, rushing back onto a safe spot of the roof and thus dragging her with him. She looked twelve at the oldest.

She thanked him by crouching down and sobbing at his feet. Salem had no clue how to react, so he crouched next to her and awkwardly patted her back.

“Uh… if you want to talk or something, I’m an A-plus listener. I promise. I get a hundred percent on all my hearing tests!” It must have been the right thing to say because she choked out one last sob, blew her nose on his sleeve, and started to talk.

 

**The petite girl told me her woes** ****  
**You've probably heard it all before** ****  
**"Everyone ignores me, everyone steals** **  
** **I don't fit in with anyone here"**

 

“No one talks to me at school. They take my stuff all the time, saying that if no one claims it it’s free to call dibs on, and I’m treated like the plague! It’s not fair! I haven’t done anything to them! I don’t understand why this is happening, why they’re doing this, why I can’t be one of them! It’s horrible, I can’t-” She broke off into sobs again.

 

**For God's sake, please!** ****  
**Are you serious?** ****  
**I just can't believe** ****  
**That for some stupid reason, you got here before me** ****  
**Cause even so, you're still loved by everyone at home** ****  
**There's always dinner waiting on the table, you know!** ****  
**"I'm hungry" said the girl as she shed a tear** **  
** **The girl short as can be then disappeared**

 

Salem frowned, recalling his years of similar experiences.

“Hey, that’s a bad reason to kill yourself. I know how you feel. I’ve felt it before, and sometimes still do. Just… focus on what you do have going on. I mean, yeah, everyone at school sucks. But you have a family and they love you. You have dinner on the table and a loving hug waiting for you, you know?” As if on cue, the girl’s stomach grumbled loudly. She blew her nose into his sleeve again and sighed.

“I guess I am hungry. Thanks, random dude.”

And with that, Salem was left to slip back into his shoes and head home with a sigh.

 

**And like that, there was someone everyday** ****  
**I listened to their tale** ****  
**I made them turn away** ****  
**And yet there was no one who would do this for me** **  
** **No way I could let out all this pain**

 

Every time Salem went back to the rooftop to focus on what he fucked up that day, there was someone else having a crisis. And every time Salem noticed them, he instinctively held them or wiped their tears or something, listened to their stories, and then casually explained why it was so dumb and not at all reasonable to jump off a parking garage just because of whatever was happening temporarily. It got to the point where he didn’t bother trying to take his shoes off anymore, just sat and frowned and stared at things he didn’t really get (and no one would help him understand) until someone new showed up. It was frustrating to say the least, but Salem felt obligated to help.

 

**For the very first time, there I see** ****  
**Someone with the same pains as me** ****  
**Having done this time and time again** ****  
**She wore a yellow cardigan** ****  
**"I just wanna stop the scars that grow** ****  
**Everytime that I go home"** ****  
**"That's why I came up here instead"** **  
** **That's what the girl in the cardigan said**

 

After a few weeks of non-stop crying from random children and more hugs than Salem had ever received in his entire life, someone different was on the edge. Salem noticed her as soon as he stepped onto the roof, which was unusual. She was crying loudly and ranting obnoxiously, and yet it made him feel less annoyed than usual. She was like him.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Salem shouted. He took note of her fancy yellow cardigan. She stared defiantly at him, as though she’d expected someone to try and stop her.

“Killing myself.”

“That’s so blunt!” Salem sputtered. The girl shrugged and stared back out at the city below. She tossed her shoes back onto the roof.

“I can’t go home. So I’m here instead.” She didn’t have to say more than that. Salem understood perfectly. He tried to think of something to say but before he could she leaned forward and he couldn’t stop the blood curdling scream that came from his lips.

 

**Whoa, wait a minute what did I just say?** ****  
**I couldn't care less either way** ****  
**But in the moment I just screamed** ****  
**Something that I did not believe** **  
** **"Hey, don't do it please"**

 

“Please don’t!” It was gut wrenching, almost, how raw his voice sounded. Enough to make the girl step back and stare at him, interested.

 

**AA WHAT TO DO?!** ****  
**I can't stop this girl, oh this is new** ****  
**For once I think I've bitten off more than I can chew** ****  
**But even so please just go away so I can't see** ****  
**Your pitiful expression is just too much for me!** ****  
**"I guess today is just not my day"** **  
** **She looked away from me and then she disappeared**

 

Salem panicked. _The_ _hell_ _am_ I _supposed_ _to_ _do?_ He thought, searching for something to say, some way to convince the girl in the yellow cardigan that there was something better out there for her. But he didn’t have to.

“I guess today’s not my day.” She said simply, walking lightly to her shoes, sliding them on, and padding quietly through the door that led to the floor below.

Salem breathed a heavy sigh of relief and sank to the concrete ground, eyes pricking with tears for unknown reasons. Maybe he shouldn’t go there anymore.

 

**There's no one here today, I guess it's time** ****  
**It's just me, myself, and I** ****  
**There's no one who can interfere** ****  
**No one to get in my way here** ****  
**Taking off my yellow cardigan** ****  
**Watching my braids all come undone** ****  
**This petite boy, short as can be** **  
** **Is gonna jump now and be free**

 

He waited a month before daring to go back, not sure if he could handle another suicidal kid. When he did go back, he was armed with a self help pamphlet about suicide he’d taken from the nurse’s office when no one was looking, just in case. But no one else was there. So Salem took off his shoes and sorted through pages and pages of failed assignments, reading the comments, smoothing the crumpled tests and the taped-together homework that had been destroyed at home. He took off his yellow cardigan and stared at it, wondering if any of those people had been girls at all, or if his acceptance of others’ assumptions had gotten the best of him.

Salem pulled a black ribbon out of his braided black hair, taking a pair of scissors out of his bag and with a single breath, cut it all off. He let the strands float away in the wind.

His papers fluttered and seemed to be running toward the edge, so Salem followed them out and when they flew over the open city, so did he.

**Author's Note:**

> rip. i have never posted anything for my original characters & original universe anywhere except for tumblr.... if you're interested in my characters check out thetribulates.tumblr.com !! it's all organized and everything!!!


End file.
